It's been a while since I've written in here. It's funny cause in my last entry I was talking about how I haven't been gaming or knitting that much and I literally started doing both those things so much recently that I've totally neglected my website. I started knitting the t-shirt I linked previously and it's been suuuper fun. Except for when I was knitting SO MUCH that it made my left wrist extremely sore. That actually scared the shit out of me because I absolutely do not want to get a repeated stress injury. I relunctantly did not knit for around two days and it made me sooo sad because I was in such a groove, but it helped a lot and my wrist doesn't hurt anymore. Anyway, like I said, I have been neglecting my website and I want to get back into it and I was going to say I'm uninspired, but that's not necessarily true. I just don't know what else I want to add... I lowkey want to revamp everything but IDKKKKKK. Me and some of my friends have a Discord server where we share what we're working on (hey guys if you're reading this LOL) and resources and other cool sites and they're all so inspiring. I've bought some new CDs recently so I think to get back into it I just need to continue my collection page heh. I also just need to spend some time scrolling and browsing Neocities and stuff cause when I was first working on this that was SUPER helpful with coming up with ideas and what not.
Last night I watched the movie "Dan in Real Life" and it was so good. I love movies where Steve Carell is a sad dad LOL. He's like really incredible in roles like that. I remember always seeing the poster for that movie and thinking it looked kinda dumb, but I took a chance on it cause I felt like watching a romance and it was labeled as such and I was pleasantly surprised. While watching it I was thinking about how I probably wouldn't have liked it if I watched it as a teenager because it's that genre of romance movie where there's a depressed guy and a quirky woman that will save him, but as an adult I can really rock with that sort of film way more for some reason. Like, I watched "Garden State" for the first time last Christmas and that's a really similar vibe but I also really liked that haha. Like obviously I understand why it's an annoying trope, but it almost feels nostalgic to me now. It's weird. Oh also, Sondre Lerche did the soundtrack for "Dan in Real Life", which was also a huge surprise! I listened to him a bit in middle school because his song "Days That Are Over" was the chapter title of a Kingdom Hearts fanfic that I really loved lol. Anyway, the soundtrack was amazing. If you haven't seen that movie and can look past the manic pixie dream girl thing then you should definitely check it out.. It had such cozy vibes and idk Steve Carell is a really great actor. Dane Cook is in it too which is kind of hilarious and John Mahoney as well who is always a treat and seeing him made me want to rewatch Frasier hahahaha.
My class was canceled today and I feel super lost haha. I didn't know it was canceled until I was logging in to go to it. I was hyping myself up and now that I don't have to go, I literally don't know what to do with myself. I had neocities open on my laptop, so I just thought writing a journal entry might help. Well, I also want to do laundry but that can wait.
I cannot believe it's October already. This year flew by and lowkey I'm so stressed about the ~holidays~. My manager brought it up in our one-on-one yesterday cause he wanted to check if I was going to request any time off and I fucking have not thought about it at all. I hate traveling and idk it's just so stressful to me X_X I guess it's good to start thinking about it now. so I can figure out what the hell I'm gonna do.
I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately, and I think it's because my apartment is such a mess. Like there being shit everywhere is making me feel really bad. I wish I wasn't ADHD because I want to be organized and clean so badly, but it's so hard. I try to be compassionate and kind to myself about it but I feel like such a loser most of the time. Like this Goofy meme is literally me:
I mean I'm also not super dirty, it's just all really messy. I've tried so much stuff to try to motivate myself to be better about chores but I feel like nothing has really worked at all. I probably need to go to therapy again and I tried earlier this year, but my therapist was too easy-going. I don't think I'll be able to find a therapist who will be, I don't know, like strict, though. There just aren't any stakes to doing chores. I mean I guess there kind of is for some things, but it's not enough for me. I've tried a reward system, and maybe I need to revisit that, but I don't think it works super well either. I just give myself rewards for basically anything xD If anyone has any tips on how to motivate yourself while being ADHD. PLEASE let me know.
My closet is a huge pain point for me, so I bought a garment rack to put up in my room. I really hope it helps me because my place has NO closet space like at all and that makes me just have clothes fucking everywhere. I'm going to have to rearrange a ton of shit in my room to make it work, but I think it will be worth it... hopefully.
Last week (or I guess this past Sunday) the animated Homestuck pilot came out.. I reallyyyyy hope it gets picked up because it was honestly so cute and fun. I've tried so many times to get into Homestuck and I've gotten as far as Act 4, which barely scratches the surface lol. I'm kind of attempting to keep going and it's fun. I've had so many friends over the years who were super into it and it's honestly surprising to me that I didn't get crazy obsessed. It was totally something I would have been into when I was a tween, something just didn't click. I think I was too busy with video games. Speaking of which, Hades II finally came out officially and it's super fun. I love it. Besides that I've been seriously slacking on my gaming haha. Me and my girlfriend started watching the Netflix reality show called The Ultimatum because a couple of our friends recommended it to us. We're watching the gay one and finished the first season yesterday and it is fucking insane. I like don't understand how most people operate at all. They say so many things regarding relationships that just confuse the hell out of me. So many of them act like marriage is super FINAL and that it's FOREVER, and I just don't get that... It can literally be undone with divorce.. It's just funny lol. Reality shows are crazy, but very entertaining.
I've also need to get back into my knitting game. It was easy when I was super obsessed with House MD cause I would just put that on and knit like a machine. I honestly suck at just doing one project at a time because I get bored so easily lol. I'm looking at some other stuff I want to make and I'm thinking of either this t-shirt or this longsleeve. I'm leaning toward the t-shirt because I think it would be really cute to layer a little longsleeve under it. I saw someone on instagram knit something similar and put "I ♥ BEER" on it, which I thought was pretty funny. Knitting is so fun and, like coding, makes me feel really productive. They're both creative outlets for me and that makes me feel so much better when I'm in a rut. I think it's pretty clear that I'm in one if the earlier part of this journal is anything to go by.
So.... I ended up not going to that show that I mentioned in my last entry. I was just feeling so blah that day and the thought of having to go all the way to the venue and stand for hours just didn't sound good to me. I would have really liked to see the bands that played, but idk. Well, I even like attempted to go, but when I was waiting for my bus it just never showed up and then the next one was 20 minutes later. If you live in Chicago you know about the ghost buses, haha. Anyway, I didn't want to wait 20 minutes so I just went back home. I also got a hot dog for dinner that night, which cheered me up.
Then, yesterday, tickets for MCR went on sale and it was a whole mess. I ended up getting tickets for New York and I'm sooooo excited, but for like a few hours after I was so stressed about how much money I spent. But what's funny is that it was literally less than what I spent to see them in Chicago and lowkey the view is better even though it's a higher up section. I'm also trying not to stress about the other shows I want to go to, because it seems like prices will go down a lot as time goes on. The state of purchasing tickets for big bands is seriously depressing. I fucking hate Ticketmaster and all that bullshit.
I planned on doing a bunch of chores today, but I was just feeling really tired and not up to it. I'm trying to feel okay about that. There's always tomorrow, right? :) I think I'm going to do my homework tonight so I at least felt like I did something.
Now I'm trying to decide what to eat for dinner.... I'm thinking of getting sushi. I haven't had it in a while and I think it would be a nice treat.
This is probably going to be really short... It's pretty late and I want to read fanfiction before bed lol. It's just been a few days and I felt like writing something.
I guess I don't even really have anything to say right now.. Um, this week I'm going to a show which I'm pretty excited for and then tickets for the second leg of MCR's NA tour go on sale on Friday and I'm so nervous. Like I know I'll be able to get tickets but it's seriously one of the most INTENSE experiences ever haha. I literally blocked off time on my work calendar because I take that shit very seriously.
Hmmmm... the other day I completely recoded the homepage of this website. Something happened when I was fucking with the original layout and it was bugging me so bad.. I was literally pissed off and hated how my site looked so much. Then, I logged into my codepen which I haven't done since 2023 and there was code in there that I had written (I think I was following a tutorial) and I liked it a lot. So, I just adjusted it to match what I had going on already and also made a new header. Idk if it looks better than before but I feel good about it I think. I get so bored so fast so honestly in a month I bet that this whole site is gonna be completely different than what it is now.
OH! I just remembered something I wanted to talk about. So, last Friday I was working on my collection page and I made a little wishlist page just to keep track of things I want. Even though I do use Discogs for that, I wanted something here, too. Anyway, I made the wishlist section and one of the first albums I put on there was The Milk-eyed Mender by Joanna Newsom cause that's literally my favorite album of her's and I wanted a CD of it. Then, Saturday I had an urge to go to my favorite local used music store (most of the CDs you see on my collection page are from there) because I hadn't gone in a verrrryyy long time. So, I get to the store and when I walked in I thought to myself, "I should keep in mind what I wrote on my wishlist". When I shop for CDs I literally look at everything they have starting from A all the way to the end lol, so I was doing that (actually backwards because it was hella busy and there were a ton of people CD shopping) and trying to manouver around the people shopping and I got to the N section and wouldn't you know.... they had the Joanna Newsom CD I wanted!!!!!!!!!!! It was so hard for me not to freak out on the spot lol. I also ended up picking up a few other albums that I absolutely love too. It was a great haul and made me very happy :).. Here's a picture of what I got:
I was literally also thinking about how I wanted this Aqua album because I already had Aquarius and Aquarium was my literal entire childhood. I listened to it so much and I still do lol. I also already owned Hooray For Boobies on tape but when I saw it at the store on CD, I immediately grabbed it because The Bloodhound Gang are one of my faves as well. Jimmy Pop,..... *drool*
Okay, the clock just struck 12 so I should go. I don't really have anything else to say anyway.... Goodnight :)
I finally built out my collection page and boy howdy is it a massive undertaking. I mean I already knew going into it that it was gonna take me literally forever, but damn. Scanning shit is soooo fucking boring and I'm super picky with how the scans turn out and I KEEP GETTING HAIR ON THE PLATE. It's so damn annoying and so I have to redo a bunch because I don't notice the hair until after I scanned everything in. I also still don't know how I'm going to get my vinyl in there cause they're obviously too big for my scanner... I was thinking of taking pictures, but the iPhone has that stupid ass deep fusion AI thing that smooths out everything really strangely... and also the photos are so huge that I have to resize all of them and I hate doing that. Either I need a bigger scanner or I need a different camera that takes small pictures. I'll figure it out eventually. As I mentioned in a previous entry I have a major issue with trying to rush through things and I'm really feeling it right now in a major way. I need to just relax and take my time.
But, all of that to say.. I am super proud of the page I made for my collection.. I think it looks really cool and even though it's really tedious I'm gonna be really glad I did it.
I kinda have a headache so I'm gonna keep this pretty short, but I also wanted to talk about the fact that My Chemical Romance is gonna totally announce another tour in the USA soon????? Promos have been showing up near stadiums in cities that they didn't play in yet and I'm literally freaking the fuck out. I'm gonna fucking go broke for this band but I don't care because they're my favorite band of all time, hahaha. Gerard Way also did the vocals and bass for a new band called The Mock-Ups and that's super exciting too. I'm really liking the single they put out and I bought it on vinyl. It would be cool if they did a whole album... and maybe a cheeky little tour....
Anyway, I'm so happy tomorrow is Thursday, because that means we are one day closer to Friday which means THE WEEKEND!!! Riot Fest is this weekend and I'm still waffling on whether I should go or not. I don't think I will because I need to save my money for another MCR tour. Lol I feel literally insane but whatever... tis the life of a fangirl...
Alright, my head is hurting and I can't think anymore. TTFN
I'm currently taking a break from doing chores phew. I made a super yummy smoothie (I thought about inserting a photo but uh it looks really weird on the camera LOL) and I thought, why not write an entry in my online journal. The thing I really should be doing is homework, but I can do that in a bit haha.
I made a ton of updates to my site today as well. I fixed up the gallery and added a few more pictures. There's one from 2024 and I'm wondering if I should have separate sections for other years instead of having it as one big thing. I think that that will be something I fully decide on once this year comes to an end and I've added a bunch more pictures. I also figured out how to make images float over other content, which is suprisingly easy. YAY! I added a little handwritten to-do list to my homepage just so I can reference that later cause I do get distracted like crazy.
The next thing I want to work on is a collection page. I drew out a quick sketch of how I want it to work:
I'm going to take all my own pictures and/or scan my CDs, cassettes, and all that, which is gonna be a fucking undertaking because I have SO MUCH shit. But, I feel like it would be cool and definitely worth it.
This week was 9/11, which is my girlfriend and I's anniversary haha. We got pizza and saw the movie Twinless, which was a total trip. Dylan O'Brien is an amazing actor, which I sort of knew but I never really watched anything he was in and only knew about Teen Wolf. His performance in Twinless seriously blew me away. I hope he wins some kind of award for it. I'm trying to think about what to say about the movie, but I don't want to accidentally give too much away. If it's playing in your area, definitely go watch it!!!
I also made a card for our anniversary and it's a drawing of Mikey Way from MCR based on a meme image of him hahaha. Mikey's birthday is on September 10th, so it fits kinda perfectly.
It was super fun to make hahaha and even though I'm not great at drawing I think it came out pretty good.
Today is also the last day of MCR's LLTBP tour and I'm honestly feeling really sad about it lol. But I'm also excited as hell because the storyline has been building up like crazy and I seriously have no clue what is gonna go down tonight. People have been livestreaming the shows, which is seriously so generous of them. It's been super fun watching the streams of the shows I wasn't at and freaking out online with everyone.
Well, I think I should call it here for now. I need to get back to my chores (ugh) and also do some of my homework (double ugh) before the MCR show. TTFN!!
So, this page was initially intended to be my blog page, but I realized that I already wasn't treating it like a blog. Not that there's any right way to write a blog, but I was acting like this was a journal. Soooo, I have named it as such. I will eventually add an actual blog for more thought out stuff, maybe like reviews orrr something? I honestly have no idea LOL. There's no rush although I do find that rushing is a serious problem for me. I get really scared about not finishing projects and so I try to finish it SUPER FAST, which obviously makes me burnt out. ^_^ yay!
Making quick little things is literally my favorite because there is deadass no stress. For example, before I starting writing this post, I cut out a stencil and made a patch. I will include a photo below:
It's based off of the Frank Iero song ".tragician.". The song is about insecurity and feeling like your own worst enemy, which I think is pretty relatable.
Anyway, I'm really glad I made that patch because I had been thinking about it for a while and it seriously did not take me that long. I definitely want to make it again and do the stencil differently cause the way I did it was seriously fucked. I need to make a stencil of the actual word instead of doing it letter by letter because I could not see what I was doing haha. I think I'm going to sew it on my Dickies jacket that I've slowly been adding patches to. Once I'm sew it on there I will for sure put up a pic somewhere :D
Another thing I did today was finally cancel my Spotify. I made the switch to Tidal and honestly their UI is pretty bad, but Spotify is SO EVIL. It took me a long ass time to swtich because I've been using Spotify since I was in High School, so all of my playlists and stuff were on there and it was lowkey hard for me to let it go. But, all those playlists aren't going anywhere (for now) and I can always reference them. I know there is a third-party site that can transfer everything, cause I tried it and I had way so much going on that they were trying to make me pay for the service and I was like... I'm good. Anyway, since switching I can already hear the difference and it's crazy how much I was paying spotify for the most shit quality LOL
I could probably keep going on but I'll end it here. There's some work I wanna do on my website. TTFN
It's really late at night and here I am.. I just felt compelled to write out my first blog/journal entry. I have no idea how frequently I'm going to update this, especially because I tend to get burnt out on stuff or get bored pretty quickly. I was thinking about something, but I can't remember what. Hmmm.
I want to draw more and get better at art and I think maybe having this website will be good. I was thinking about just adding an art page where I upload doodles and they don't even have to be good or anything, but that's what I'm the most afraid of. My fear of fucking up or making something that I decide is bad is actually paralyzing. This is so ugh but I always think about how if I didn't have that fear maybe my skills would actually be at a place that I was proud of, but instead I just don't make anything. I know I should just START, but if you are mentally ill you know how hard it is.
Is this too depressing for a first entry? Hahahaha, I don't know.
Anyway, it's getting even later and I should attempt to get ready for bed. Work and school tomorrow...